Conflicts with self
There are a lot of conflicts happening inside our head, the conflicts that we have with our own self. On one side there are confusions, a lot of criticism for oneself and on the other side is our ideal state, the state that we want our real self to achieve. That state which you expect from yourself.
We all have numerous conflicts going on in our head. We all build up such high expectations from ourselves that we ‘should’ always live up to. We debate, argue and get angry on ourselves. Whatever the situation, time and condition may be, those conflicts just do not resolve. Basically if I may say, we destroy ourselves in this process.
The ideal state that I am talking about is a state that we all want to reach. The reality is always very different.
So, how to overcome these conflicts? The best part is that we alone hold the power and are responsible for resolving the conflicts within us. There are, according to me, 2 identities which have to be calmed down, 2 identities within us which have to be put to relax. There is always a long list of things we have with us, reminding us of what we have not achieved. This list is somewhat permanently fixed in our mind. The ideal self constantly reminds the real self about all the things it has not done or it has failed to do.
In my case, my ideal self always tells me that I cannot manage all my hobbies, commitments, health together. There is always something that is going to be left behind, unattended by me. The lists of all the things I have ‘not done’ just never ends. It just grows and grows.
Maybe I forgot to call up a friend, or I missed out my Homework just because I was working on my new post, or I skipped my dinner just because I was so engrossed in my textbook that I did not see the time. The mistakes that I make cannot even be counted every day, but that ideal self of mine somehow remembers each one of them. I am sure this happens to you too. So now, let’s think about the real self which is JUST been criticised and JUST being looked down upon. You know what the real self did? The real self did make her mother smile, but surely forgot to call up that friend. The real self did make a difference from the amazing post she had written, but surely missed her Homework. The real self did complete that one hell of a chapter and got good marks, but surely forgot to have her dinner.
The real self did so much, yet so little.
This real self does not think on its own, it just acts, Acts according to what the ideal self has to say. He is somewhere dependent on that ‘ideal’ self to guide him for his actions. Now the ideal state for all of us is different. Talking about me, I always feel I ‘should’ be available to all in need, I ‘should’ be doing my best in all the areas of my life at the same time, I ‘should’ be healthy and fit always, etc. These ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’ created by us HARM us. They set a barrier for us, a limitation which makes us act in just that way and we going out of those, the conflicts start again! Who said things have to be that way or this way. Who said you ‘should’ always be happy or healthy? These are all YOUR created barriers; YOUR created stories. Think of all the criticisms you give to yourself and think of all the ‘should’ and ‘musts’ you have in your life. Also what we need to understand is, that everybody has a different ideal self inside them. What might be ‘right’ for me cannot necessarily be ‘right’ for the other person. So, why again to conflict with your own self and others? Think about this.
As I said before, the best thing is that both these ‘selfs’ exists within you, you have all the control on them. Nobody here manipulates it, criticises it but just you. YOU ARE responsible for all the chaos and conflicts going on in your mind. And now that you know so, what is stopping your real self to take actions and your ideal self to give commands. The thought-belief-action-outcome process is in your hands my friend. Make miracles with it!
So what is your ideal self saying right now?
Keep thinking
~Manasvi shah
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