They say life is unfair, but you are no different. It is unnatural for someone to see you taking a loved one, either of an age similar or lesser to oneself. No wonder when you take somebody old, people feel better for them but when you take away someone young, so young that we lose someone with potential of making a difference, young blood that had energy to bring change and wanted to, someone we were rooting for in life, that if I’m not able to do anything, they will, on my behalf. So young that their parents, who expected their child to cremate them had to do it themselves.
Imagine the pain, can you? Or have you become thirsty of the ache? Imagine having to burn or bury something that you created, out of yourself, and dedicated your existence towards making that person worthy enough to place their mark in the world. Imagine, will you?
Now imagine that you put all your life’s memories in a box, you put your secrets, your chats, your time, and your emotions in a box and imagine that someone took it from you, suddenly, forever and left you feeling betrayed. This betrayal, from something that is inexistent. Imagine the frustration and helplessness of a friend who lost a friend and feels like they have betrayed them when, in fact, it is you who has deceived them. Imagine not being able to trust a relationship, with the fear that you might lose them, yet again, imagine feeling regretful that you were unable to make enough memories with your friend.
People get up after failing once or twice or even more than that, but imagine a feeling of failing someone and then losing them forever. One cannot get up from this failure. I feel betrayed, from you and from myself.
People say live like you’re dying tomorrow and you shall be the happiest. This makes me think, that experiencing you is a personal affair and the fact that this feeling of hatred, it’s not you, it’s me, It’s that feeling where I hate my feelings for my friend more than I hate that my friend is now yours, forever, just like I will be, someday.
Waiting for the moment when I accept that you are the ultimate truth, come what may.