Living My Dreamy Reality.

Drinking warm water and coughing in between the smiles, I look outside my window and observe the rains cleansing the city. Moreover, the sound of the lightening and the way it illuminates everything, for a second, tempts me to go downstairs and have a walk with a kadak chai as my companion. But neither can I go outside and nor can I drink tea. But, for a change I don’t get frustrated knowing this.

I am a typical Virgo, a perfectionist who has really high standards for oneself and at the same time who has disciplinary issues and knows how to procrastinate quite well. A girl with a sensitive soul and a hungry heart is a combination that does not really go well which I lately realized.

My body reacted to all those small mistakes and I got ulcers in my stomach which was detected after a month of trial and error as to understand what the problem was. I was deprived of chappatis, milk, spices etc for a long time! I hated having fruits and rice all the time, but I was paying for my mistakes. No medications were working and everything I ate resulted into a pain which was frustrating. I was hungry but was unable to eat. Just like how my heart was hungry but unable to satisfy itself because i was not able to understand the importance of that hunger and what the hunger actually meant.

I had to stop doing everything I was doing including going to college. I can’t sit ideal and I was COMPELLED to sit ideal! But it did make me more patient. I understood that I had to nurture myself better. I started controlling, working on my diet, writing in a try to motivate myself. I was realizing my mistakes in that process and I was not guilty of them at all.

I was running behind performing so that people around me would appreciate and accept the magic I am because I was a staunch disbeliever of the magic I had subconsciously and when the magic was being snatched away by me because of some illness I realized the beauty of it.

I understood the power of mistakes and failures. They are today making me feel so powerful and full of life. I feel proud knowing I was treating my own self as a slave for the past 1 and a half year and I feel so good knowing that now I am treating myself as a princess who is living her dreams. I turned 18 this year but I became a child, I still hide a dark chocolate in my bag and eat one piece a day celebrating my improvement and I still dance when the rain comes and I still live the imaginative fairy tales in my reality.

Keep living your dreams.

~Manasvi shah

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