What is love for you? ~ a conversation
Love is quite strange, sudden and at the same time beautiful. it’s a feeling, an emotion. Love can be felt for anything – things, people, parents, friends. it’s not confined to a girl loving a boy, or vice-a-versa. so, why is it that when a girl loves an another girl she is considered weird. is loving so weird? why is it that guys are shameful telling others that they love a boy?. this was bothering me for a long time. When love is a feeling, why exceptions/rules? so that’s why i decided to understand what they think. it’s an interview with a person from the community.
QUESTION : What is love for you? ANSWER : first of all, Love is love. I don’t know, but if you can understand it, it’s just the most wonderful feeling in the whole world. We fall in and out of love on an everyday basis. Like some of us love coffee, colors, a particular song. Just as we fall in love with something, we also fall out of something else to give some space for the new found love. But there’s something known as ‘True Love’, I know it’s really different, but honestly I can’t be sure if I have experienced it or not
QUESTION : Are you having a hard time accepting yourself?
ANSWER : I’m really fine with it. I don’t think, gender, race, caste, color or age should define who I fall in love with. There is literally nothing that I would change about myself in context with my feelings relating to love. There was a phase where I thought, ‘Why couldn’t I be just like everyone? Just “normal”?’ But as I grew up, I realized what I feel is natural and there is nothing to be shy about it. The reason my identity is hidden is because of the hate, that might come, because of the unacceptance of people like me. P.S. – ‘Normal’ is just too boring for me.
QUESTION : How often where you criticized to not love the opposite gender? ANSWER : To be honest, not ever really. The thing is, the people who know about me, the people around me are actually quite open and accepting towards me. As far as my family is concerned, my mom and my sister knows about me. Things haven’t been good exactly, but they never criticized me about it. My sister actually supports me, but my mom doesn’t. Even though she doesn’t accept it, she still loves me as much as before, she even tries to talk to me about it.
QUESTION : Was it hard accepting yourself the way you are? And why was it? ANSWER : I always knew that there was something different about me, when I understood what it was, It was not exactly difficult, cause i was aware of the cons of my feeling.I tried thinking of the opposite sex as my own,but nothing ever hit home. But eventually I came to realize this, that it is who I am, and not my behavior. It can’t be changed, I cannot deteriorate from the truth, I cannot change the facts. It took time, but now I’m more than comfortable with who I am and love myseIf for it! and I really don’t find a reason to change, and anyways IT IS NOT POSSIBLE for people like me to change, the only thing that is possible is that they may start finding all the genders attractive or none of them attractive. . I sometimes have this fear in my head, that I would have to face injustice (somewhere, sometime) in my life, because of my sexuality.
QUESTION : Why do you feel the society considers this a taboo? ANSWER : I think the society is habituated with the concept of love between opposite sex hence the image of love between same gender doesn’t fit with them well. love was a taboo even in the past. People will come around only when they are exposed to the idea. It will obviously take time, but it will take place. We need people like yourself, to bring this topic to notice of everyone. Exposure is the only way to bring about changes.
QUESTION : What percentage of the world population belongs to the LGBTQIA community? ANSWER : Well, they might not be the exact figures, because the topic of sexuality is still a taboo in countries like India, but according to surveys all over the world (mostly the wester region), around 2% to 13% of people have come out as homosexuals. According to a survey conducted, around 2.5 million men are gay, in India, and these are just the men who came out of the closets. There are so many celebrities who are also homosexual or bisexual.
QUESTION : What one message you want to give to people from the community? ANSWER : I would just like to tell them this: Listen to me, calm down. Everything is just fine. There is/was nothing wrong with you. You are perfect. If people don’t accept you for who you are, they don’t deserve you. Don’t waste your time on people who don’t get you, it’s not your fault, that they have tiny brains. It is not anyone’s fault that, you fall for the people of same sex, not yours, not your parents, nothing, no one. Stop blaming yourself. Don’t hurt yourself, because you’re (sort of) different, actually, love yourself for that. What’s the fun in being someone’s replica?! Enjoy life. And don’t worry, you’ll find someone that will love you as much as you love them. Just relax and enjoy your time in this world with its good and bad.
QUESTION : What message you want to give to the society? ANSWER : Everyone who is reading this, please know, who we love is NOT our choice, which gender we fall in love with is also NOT our choice. This is not a ‘Lifestyle’, this is just who we are. This is not something we choose, this is just what it is. If you accept us, it would make people like me more than comfortable to be in our own skins, it would reduce the suicide rates significantly, it will help the society to grow all together. Everyone wants acceptance from the society. They want they “APPROVED” sticker from the society. We just don’t want approvals, we want love as well, we NEED love. Everyone needs it. I don’t understand why law should not be the same for everyone. I thought it was stated that “Everyone is equal before law.” Then why are people like me denied justice, just because I love someone. It’s not like we are committing some kind of felony, we are not murdering anyone, we are just spreading love. I don’t want to be rude but, people please move on, it’s my life, I deserve some privacy, give me some space to breathe. After all it’s my life. Why should I play by the rules someone made for me? Until and unless what I do is hurting someone else, I don’t see what I’m doing wrong.
QUESTION : What plans do you have about your future, keeping in mind the societal pressure? ANSWER : I don’t plan anything in advance. But one thing I know for sure is that, I won’t die without bringing about change in the mindset of the society and, of course changing or even abolishing Section 377. I obviously don’t want future generations to suffer because of their sexuality.
so what is love for all of you? do think again about it and comment below to tell us what you feel.
-Manasvi Shah